There was so much I didn't understand about Websites. In fact, what I didn't know about Websites far outweighed what I knew. But I didn't know that until just today. What I didn't know about Websites was one of the unknown unknowns of my life.

I don't know about quantum physics. That's a known unknown. But since I didn't know that I didn't know a thing about Websites, it was an unknown unknown until the last three or four days, culminating in the exposure of my ignorance today.

Now that I know I'm a giant ignoramus, we can address the issue. So there will be a few changes made in the next week (I hope), and then when the Extravagumbo Website (to use Stephen Jay's brilliant coinage) goes up, I won't be making the same elementary mistakes I made here.

In my defense, I never planned on having a Website again, after the last one went defunct in 2003. My knowledge of Websites was therefore stuck in 2003. I was like a time traveler, but a really annoying, rinky-dink one. I had no exciting tales of the past to tell, and I wasn't a fascinating anachronism--the Neanderthal in the movie Iceman, for example, or the murderous cowboy Joe Caswell in The Twilight Zone episode "Execution." The best analogy is that I was like a person who'd recently dropped out and joined some weirdo Luddite cult. Are they ever anything except irritating? Imagine someone who knows about DVDs but has never heard of Blu-ray Discs.

My father always said "automobile" instead of car. And he pronounced it "Aw-tow-mo-beel."

God rest your soul, Dad, but it was torture waiting for you to finish the word. We'd hear "aw," and we knew that "tow," "mo," and "beel" would follow, one at a time, taking forever, and there was nothing we could do to hasten their arrival. But we couldn't ask you why you didn't just say "car." You would've shouted, "BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE SAY AW-TOW-MO-BEEL!"

Well, I didn't know enough about Websites to have one made. Now I do. I also didn't know that I didn't know enough to have a Website made. Now I do. So I'll go to sleep tonight knowing more than I did when I woke up this morning. That's a good thing. Tomorrow, I'll also be slightly less annoying, having joined the rest of you in the year 2013.

Now excuse me while I drive to the market in my aw.

Tow.

Mo.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel.